The bright side, quite literally, of having sleep kept at bay by your sparring match with various thoughts is that you get to welcome a new day. Thanks to the low lying clouds on the horizon, this one’s a particularly slow rise. And as the backlighting of the sun delicately traces the clouds’ outer edges with glowing brilliance, a conclusion rises from the darkness: A slower world is a happier world.
My world moves too damn fast and I’m guessing yours might too. If you own a cell phone, email, text, browse social media feeds, play video games, watch movies and pretty much do anything with or on the Internt, your life is happening instantaneously.
It’s all relative, right?
Since I can do things quicker, like communicate in writing with someone in a distant place, taking a longer time to do it seems like a waste of time. What once took days or weeks, now happens the moment I hit send. Before cell phones, as a kid, I had to call people and often leave messages, then play a game phone tag to set up and time and place to hangout. Now I shoot a text and we’re on our way to the beach. And if you take longer than an hour to respond you are most certainly rude.
Seems innocent enough. But I got a sneaking suspicion, confirmed by hard evidence, that this instant communication and constant availability is conditioning me and messing up my sense of time. Working on long term school projects for a long period of time felt unbearable so I procrastinated then jammed it out in a short span. I’ve also started several projects outside school that fizzle out the moment I hit some friction that requires an investment of serious time to overcome.
Delayed gratification is on a steep decline and deep, sustainable happiness is going down with it.
It looks a lot like lazy, but my theory is that I’m conditioned for instant gratification. I haven’t experienced delayed gratification (that satisfaction that comes from effort over a long period of time) enough to motivate myself through the delay part. I haven’t tasted the victory when months of hard work finally pays off. It’s the feeling you have when you read that last page of the book. I barely read now because I’ve got movies for stories. So if it takes me longer than an afternoon to enjoy it, I’m out.
But I’m beginning corrective action. Since I’m bored of school papers, I’ve taken up the endeavor of making things. And I’ve started with a bench. The bench is a replica of a favorite of mine. It took me and two friends an entire day to get tools, buy supplies, build a mold, and pour one concrete slab. Now we’re waiting 48 – 76 hours for the concrete to cure before we can pour the second slab. And then we’ve got some more work before can sit on this thing.
A bench may seem silly, but we’re trying to prove a point.
We hit several snags throughout the day, which ordinarily would have caused me to relent, tell myself it was a stupid idea, and call it a day. But by recognizing our tendencies, we were able to battle them back. We took deep breaths, reminded ourselves this was a couple day process that couldn’t be rushed, consulted the internet for concrete pouring advice, made two more trips to the store to get the right stuff, and high-fived at the end of it all. We’re not even halfway finished, but I already feel happier than I do after watching SportsCenter all afternoon.
I love spring. It’s full of graduation, silly gowns, and serious advice.
I’ve spent the last three years combing the web for precise directions on becoming a happy and productive adult human being. Emphasis on happy and adult. For obvious reasons, happiness is second nature for kids. For adults, it may take some work. I wanted a guidebook that wasn’t full of fluff or cliches. One that had pictures and step-by-step instructions.
I’m still compiling that guidebook, and you can bet your ass these guys are in it:
Stephen Colbert on charting our own paths (in real talk):
skip to 12:30 for the advice
President Obama on the importance of hard work (its up to us) and families:
“It’s just that in today’s hyperconnected, hypercompetitive world, with a billion young people from China and India and Brazil entering the global workforce alongside you, nobody is going to give you anything you haven’t earned. And whatever hardships you may experience because of your race, they pale in comparison to the hardships previous generations endured – and overcame.
You now hail from a lineage and legacy of immeasurably strong men – men who bore tremendous burdens and still laid the stones for the path on which we now walk. You wear the mantle of Frederick Douglass and Booker T. Washington, Ralph Bunche and Langston Hughes, George Washington Carver and Ralph Abernathy, Thurgood Marshall and yes, Dr. King. These men were many things to many people. They knew full well the role that racism played in their lives. But when it came to their own accomplishments and sense of purpose, they had no time for excuses.
I was raised by a heroic single mother and wonderful grandparents who made incredible sacrifices for me. And I know there are moms and grandparents here today who did the same thing for all of you. But I still wish I had a father who was not only present, but involved. And so my whole life, I’ve tried to be for Michelle and my girls what my father wasn’t for my mother and me. I’ve tried to be a better husband, a better father, and a better man.
“It’s hard work that demands your constant attention, and frequent sacrifice. And Michelle will be the first to tell you that I’m not perfect. Even now, I’m still learning how to be the best husband and father I can be. Because success in everything else is unfulfilling if we fail at family. I know that when I’m on my deathbed someday, I won’t be thinking about any particular legislation I passed, or policy I promoted; I won’t be thinking about the speech I gave, or the Nobel Prize I received. I’ll be thinking about a walk I took with my daughters. A lazy afternoon with my wife. Whether I did right by all of them.
Be a good role model and set a good example for that young brother coming up. We have to teach them what it means to be a man – to serve your city like Maynard Jackson; to shape the culture like Spike Lee. Chester Davenport was one of the first people to integrate the University of Georgia law school. When he got there, no one would sit next to him in class. But Chester didn’t mind. Later on, he said, ‘It was the thing for me to do. Someone needed to be the first.’ Today, Chester is here celebrating his 50th reunion. If you’ve had role models, fathers, brothers like that – thank them today. If you haven’t, commit yourself to being that man for someone else.”
The daily grind. You know, the day in, day out. I’ve griped about it before. But maybe my focus is misplaced.
It seems like some people are good at just being. They flow with the natural rhythms of life. Then there’s others, like me, who’s constant mental chatter just gets in the way. While redirecting thought patterns has been difficult in the past, I’m beginning to understand that it makes all the difference.
Check out this video for some concrete advice on reigning in those damn thought trains.
The more we know about ourselves, the more power we have to behave better. Humility is underrated. We each have an infinite capacity for self-deception — countless unconscious ways we protect ourselves from pain, uncertainty, and responsibility — often at the expense of others and of ourselves. Endless introspection can turn into self-indulgence, but deepening self-awareness is essential to freeing ourselves from our reactive, habitual behaviors.
Notice the good. We each carry an evolutionary predisposition to dwell on what’s wrong in our lives. The antidote is to deliberately take time out each day to notice what’s going right, and to feel grateful for what you’ve got. It’s probably a lot.
Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.
Develop an endless curiosity about this world. Become an explorer and view the world as your jungle. Stop and observe all of the little things as completely unique events. Try new things. Get out of your comfort zone and try to experience as many different environments and sensations as possible. This world has so much to offer, so why not take advantage of it?
Learn to focus only on the present. The past is unchangeable so it is futile to reflect on it unless you are making sure you do not repeat past mistakes. The future is but a result of your actions today. So learn from the past to do better in the present so that you can succeed in the future.
Even more specifically, live in THIS moment. Even 10 minutes ago is the past. If you live purely in this moment you will always be happy because there is nothing wrong in this split-second.
Smile more often. Whenever you get a grin on your face, your brain is releasing serotonin, the happy hormone. Smiling is the natural way to force yourself to be happy. Many people even smile for five minutes straight in the morning to get themselves in a great mood for the day. It is a very powerful tool that is utilized less and less as we grow older and need happiness more than ever. Just remember that while happiness leads to smiles, smiles also lead to happiness.
Don’t take life so seriously! Learn to laugh at the little things and this whole “existence” thing will be a whole lot easier. Be amused by your mistakes and failures and be thankful that you learned your lesson and won’t mess up like that again. And most importantly do things that you enjoy! Life is not strictly business, it can be mixed with pleasure.
Think positive thoughts. When you find yourself thinking a negative, stop it immediately. Do whatever it takes to get back to a positive mindset as such is essential for continual happiness and success.
Set aside a specific time to worry each day. Ponder all of your problems and anxieties during that time so that they will not distract you during work or moments of pleasure. This way you can be extremely efficient with your time and avoid focusing on negative things as much as possible. If you get all of your worry out of the way and have the mental fortitude to keep from reverting back to them, you will be much happier on the daily
The Rubber Band Method. This is the third way to rid yourself of negative thoughts. Place a rubber band around your wrist and snap it against your skin anytime a negative thought finds its way into your head. This operant conditioning technique associates a slight pain with negative thoughts like Pavlov associated food/salivation with the sound of a bell. Sounds a bit cruel at first but it only stings for a second. Plus the outcome, having only positive thoughts, far outweighs a little slap on the wrist here and there.
Visualize daily. It has been said and proven time and time again that what you focus on is what you get. If you complain all of the time, you will run into more of the things you complain about. The same goes for good things like health, wealth and happiness. So spend some time in the morning imagining yourself achieving whatever it is that you currently desire. Focus is key in this exercise, so choose a quiet environment where you won’t be disturbed. If you’re having trouble focusing and continually find that your mind has wandered to something else, read about meditation in the following life tip. There is a lot more to this concept, so check out the full article on visualization and the law of attraction here.
Meditate everyday for at least 20 minutes. In this modern world where everyone is so connected to everything else via cell phones, TV and internet, most people rarely enjoy the beauty of silence. The ability to quiet your mind and relax your body is an art and skill that everyone should develop. Simply sit somewhere, preferably in nature, and focus on your breathing or try to think about nothing. This is going to be extremely hard at first! You might find it boring or just plain impossible to think of nothing, but you will get better and you will learn to love it. Post-meditation, you will feel extremely clear-headed and wonderful. The only way to really understand this sensation is to try it.
Learn to control your mind. What kind of skilled human are you if you cannot even control your own thoughts? While the human mind is described as being a stream of consciousness, that does not mean you can’t decide where your stream flows. Techniques like meditation and the 3 ways to flush out negative thoughts will aid you immensely in learning to control your mind.
Learn to control your emotions. The only person that can make you unhappy is you! You are the one that decides to be affected by the words and actions of others. Realize this so that the next time you experience a negative emotion, you can find the strength within yourself to overcome it.
Learn to use and trust your subconscious/intuition. When you spend time in silence everyday, listen not for words but for a feeling that tells you to do something. Do not mistake your own reasoning and thoughts for those of your subconscious. If you can track where the thought came from, (this thought led to that thought which led to this thought, etc.) then it was not from your subconscious. Learning to accurately discern between the two will allow you to tap into knowledge that you don’t consciously have.
Love is all there is. If you truly want to be a master of life, let love be in your every action. Love your friends, family and enemies alike. Think Gandhi. Love is so rare in this world when compared to the massive presence of hate that by exuding love, you will immediately see yourself and the people around you change.
The bright side, quite literally, of having sleep kept at bay by your sparring match with various thoughts is that you get to welcome a new day. Thanks to the low lying clouds on the horizon, this one’s a particularly slow rise. And as the backlighting of the sun delicately traces the clouds’ outer edges with glowing brilliance, a conclusion rises from the darkness: A slower world is a happier world.
It looks a lot like lazy, but my theory is that I’m conditioned for instant gratification. I haven’t experienced delayed gratification (that satisfaction that comes from effort over a long period of time) enough to motivate myself through the delay part. I haven’t tasted the victory when months of hard work finally pays off. It’s the feeling you have when you read that last page of the book. I barely read now because I’ve got movies for stories. So if it takes me longer than an afternoon to enjoy it, I’m out.
